Wanting to Live Not Just Survive

September 8, 2016

I believe that people do it all the time, have successful friendships, careers, family life and so on – all rolled into one healthy lifestyle. So, why does it seem like all my life I have struggled to make enough money, have enough time for family and friends, healthy eating, exercise or sleep and I need an answer that spans beyond the obvious “single mother” syndrome.
There are millions of women across the globe that raise children and run a household in addition to working without any missteps or insufficient capital to provide basic necessities for their livelihoods. What is wrong with me? Where is that internal switch that keeps me mediocre when I know that I am not. Hand me the manual for this model so I can tweak it – upgrade it or shoot give it an all about overhaul!

I have heard that as a nation we work ourselves to the emergency room, surgery or worse –the grave! Habitual workaholic, I gave myself a stress induced stroke at the age of 36 and now, at 45 years old I feel 90! I want and need to have something more than multiple jobs, 60 plus hours of work per week, and no grand mansion to speak of, let alone enough money to pay the lights and the gas bill. Have you ever heard the old adages Work Smarter, Not Harder or take time to smell the roses? Well how the hell do you do that? I need a “How to Live a well-rounded Life for Dummies”, cliff note version, so I can get the ball rolling on this. I have some catching up to do.

Just this past summer, for the first time in my daughter’s lives: Kay 12 and Kori 10, we went on vacation, a seven-day, six-night old school rough camping trip up north to escape the record-breaking Arizona heat. Now, I may verbally express my youthful desires of returning to life of old and cravings of communing with the earth but when I got my butt out there I was horrified at the bugs and the wild animals that like to steal your food from closed containers – mockingly leaving just one or two slices of bread or marshmallows with only one bitimg_4315_moment2e missing. I am sure that raccoon, squirrel like bear was laughing as it watched me have a conniption fit when I woke that first dawn to find that he had made off with a bunch of our supplies. On the other hand, my girls in all their glory had the time of their live’s, swimming in a 20 degree below zero (ok maybe I am exaggerating but it was darn cold to me) natural watering hole every day and laughing as they watched their poor ol mom pray that all would be well as they jumped off the amazingly high jagged rock, which looked as though they had to scale iffy terrain to get to. I eventually just had to leave the area because I was in such fear, more fear at the last jump then the first. They enjoyed not fully showering on a daily basis – oh but I paid my $4 a shower, even though Pigpen and Chuckie Finster aka Kay and Kori would charge at me with their filthy grubby little hands for hugs and kisses directly after I returned from my cleansing.

Once I realized that I could actually survive without worrying about my job(s) and let myself enjoy my children, the scenery, our pets feeling the freedom of the great outdoors – mind you this took me a couple of days to really let it sink in (on day 3 I had to find an internet friendly zone, so I could check in with my business).

Since than I have mentally been preparing myself to do just what I want to do and that is to LIVE, not just survive.  So, I have been making a motivational movement on the inside. Telling myself daily affirmations “that I will prosper”, that the bills will be paid, that my desire to help others is not futile and that I am important! In the grand scheme of things, I have always put myself last, the bottom of the barrel – unless it was insults on weight, or beauty then of course my mouth would open right up like a flood gate of negative things to declare about those subjects. I am tired of being what I consider “less than” – less than living to my full potential. I want to become healthier in my mind, body and spirit. My intentional thinking has me on albeit a slow but moving path to change.

Using the daily affirmations, or motivational quotes to get my day rolling or keep my energy up at any given time – has actually worked. I feel better, I am not quite 45 years old yet (like my deceptive birth certificate states) but I might be akin to 77 years old. So what I figured is if I could shave off years by just using my mind & words, imagine what I could do if I made other physical & emotional changes in my life. I can RULE THE WORLD BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Okay, so maybe I can rule my world, but that is a great start to living the me I want to be and having the life I want to live. A life full of girl’s laughter out of these two rug rats – less work and the addition of more play (1 vacation every 12 years is not going to cut it anymore) additional pets to love, like a horse or something – okay maybe I am reaching but sky is the limit inside this brain.

9 Comments

  1. Reply

    Syri Gerstner

    Dear Sueanne I totally understand that survivng the moment mode. Ive been at it so long that I’m comfortable there. Less mental work butttt im learning (albeit slowly) that with minute changes in habits including “asking” that i am happier. We’re not meant to struggle alone! There are way too many ppl on this planet to feel like that, hope you can join me on my journey in finding a middle, happier ground a place of feeling ALIVE inside & out. Much Love & coffee.

  2. Reply

    Darcy

    God paints us a beautiful pic every hour of every day. Just stop for a sec, look around & smile! Besides that it makes ppl wonder what you’re up to!!😁

    1. Reply

      Syri Gerstner

      I am slowly learning how to do this. Intenionally seeing the beauty in everything. Its hard after years of accepting things as they were or more aptly accepting things as I saw them – harsh & unforgiving. But this heart is opening and “seeing” now the wonder all around. Thank you Darcy!

  3. Reply

    Andrea

    Syri ❤️
    Very beautifully and professionally written ! I was genuinely impressed. You have so many self-awarenesses! I find that is often a key to the spiritual, emotional and mental self which intern impact your outer world . Thoughts are things and change your brain chemistry every moment of the day . All those positive affirmations will serve you well 😉 Right before you go to sleep, your brain waves change and it goes deeper in your psyche whatever you tell yourself . Thank you so much for sharing this and may your abundance blow your socks off! Sending you much love 💛💚💜💙❤️💛

  4. Reply

    Sueanne Salem

    You are such a blessing.. thank you for that.. I feel that way a lot… But I don’t like asking for help, so I too, just survive. You get so used to being alone, that you don’t think to reach out to others.. I think of you often, but don’t reach out to say ‘hi’. You and the girls were some of the best neighbors I have ever had… I am pretty much at work or home. Just living in the moment and going about life seems so daunting.. take care!

  5. Reply

    Joana Isabel

    Beautiful💌🌹Your loving story and way you describe such thing inspire and motive me to keep faith and be positive about life there is much more than what people think just stay positive and it will all work itself out🌻😘

    1. Reply

      Syri Gerstner

      Trial after trial I have learned that this is very true. Positivity breeds more positivity and best of all letting go of all the garbage from the past really does release your brain to acceptance of bigger and better things for your life. And as long as you wake up each day you have successfully survived and kick the butt of your bad things. Keep on keepin on Joana much love!

  6. Reply

    Daniel Riesenbeck

    I am so impressed. You write so wonderfully. I felt like I was having a chat over coffee. Your calling I think is your a realist. You play it and say it for what it is. But you do it with fore thought. That’s what makes it so awesome. Your blog could generate a lot if discussion on the topic you presented. And that my dear beautiful friend is how you get stuff done! Keep up your train of thought. Don’t turn it off… your destiny is in front of you. You will shine as I have always told you. Your doing it now.

    1. Reply

      Syri Gerstner

      Thank you so much! Your words of encouragement are absolutely what I needed. I am eternally blessed by your continued friendship.

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