I Wanted To Keep My Ampersands

May 9, 2017

I have been feeling stagnant about my blog for the past few weeks so I did something I don’t normally do, I asked for advice about my blog, believing that I was ready for constructive criticism. Well, damn it! I guess I was not as equipped as I thought myself to be.

I posted my request in a private bloggers group and waited patiently for the first response, oh who am I kidding I checked my phone every hour on the hour contemplating removing the question. Thoughts of inadequacy filled me with dread. I attempt to limit negative thoughts by replacing them with something else but for the moment I was caught up in a whirlwind of anxiety.

Then bing the lovely alert! Ah, finally something to examine. I asked myself do I look? Oh yeah, you better look after all those moments of crazy thoughts. I peek in and am greeted by a gentle sandwich of constructive feedback covered in two layers of praise. Now that wasn’t as bad as I had been conjuring up in my head.

As the weekend went on several more pings and dings all mirroring the same thoughtful well placed advice rang in. Until bam! The critique of unbridled honesty. Laced with a bit of who cares if you are a novice, educate yourself and polish this shyte up! Well, there it was the expected response I had dreaded receiving. Although it pinched a bit I was all too aware of the roughness of my blog. So I heeded her words. I’m in the process of reading up on the multitude of “how to books” requested friends and family to review for grammar, punctuation, “etcetera”, “etcetera” (in my best king of Siam voice).

But I want to note that as I polish and learn, I hope not to loose my quirky style and authenticity. My mashup of lingo, my incorrect grammar may annoy some but it does make up who I am –today.
Today I am learning and will grow from this but I’m determined to stay my true self. With my quick wit and rough edges, I’ll roll the truth of my journey out for everyone to see. I will work on my thoughts, ideas and how to put them into a proper layout.

But I do hope that every now and again someone points out one of my inconsistent ampersands. I don’t want to be perfect I just want to be me and revel in the joy of just being in a process of living. And now that I’ve conquered my fear of asking for help because let’s face it- it didn’t kill me I’m still here! I’ve gained so much from the experience and now I’ll be able to reach out for help in the future. And it’s possible that I won’t freak out as much. Another Step forward is a win! So move beyond your fears cause you are only making it up in your own head.

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